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Embracing the Unexpected

Emily Snyder Burrup Chief of Staff for DeGreed

"Life is the greatest ‘choose your own adventure’ story! Each unexpected moment allows us to discover who we truly are and what we are divinely capable of accomplishing. Each unexpected moment is an invitation to see ourselves as the God of the Heavens already sees us as."

It is such a beautiful opportunity to watch everybody come in. I've been thinking as I've been watching and getting to know a couple of people up here who are praying. I asked them if they were going to do tap dancing routines. They said no. I was sad. I was like, “Well, who's going to dance then?”

But I am so grateful for the offerings. I think this gospel of Jesus Christ and the way we're organized is so powerful because it's an opportunity where we all get to bring forth offerings—whether we are in prayer, music, spoken word, or participating by partaking of the Spirit. I'm so grateful for the tradition of Ensign College in which you are prepared to partake. I think that is so beautiful.

So often, I think I have to put my thinking cap on to be ready—to be prepared—to receive what the Spirit would teach. And I love that that is a habit that you have.

I can tell you the exact moment and location—when I fell in love with the word “embrace.”

Everything changed when I discovered it and made that word a part of my forever mindset. Because I'm not a great speller and reading comprehension is not my favorite—and it takes a lot of work—I tend to pause and reflect a good deal on certain words. I almost want to take a word out of its typical spot, hold on to it, and twist and turn and see the different sides of it to understand it better and better.

I've learned to let my mind get “snagged” and curious about certain words. I let myself get snagged while listening to talks and sitting in classes. I let myself get snagged when studying or reading. And I get snagged when I'm in conversations or while preparing talks and lessons.

Consequently, there are a number of words I love, and there are a number of words I don’t love. The day I fell in love, though, with the word “embrace,” I was in a conversation. The other person I was talking to used the word “accept.” And I don’t know if it was with her tone or the way she said it, but for whatever reason, what came into my mind with that word was a person standing somewhere and willing to lower their standards to “accept” or “allow” the behavior.

In that moment, I realized I didn’t want that. I wanted to fall in love with the word “embrace.” I wanted to stand on equal footing with others. I wanted to throw my arms around a person and know that their experiences—while different than mine—are just that: just different. But neither is standing on a different ground.

Embrace has ended up being a very foundational psyche for me ever since.

I strive to embrace people. I love to give hugs.
I strive to embrace lifestyles and experiences.
I strive to embrace goodness.
And I strive to embrace the unexpected.

I often fail at all these attempts. But as I have thought about my life, I have realized that when I have truly embraced the unexpected, my world has beautifully expanded.

In order to have unexpected moments, there tends to be an acknowledgment of the often invisible expectations.

Embracing the unexpected, I have discovered a version of myself that I never would have anticipated or even known existed. Had I held tightly to what I'd expected in my life—or in my career or in relationships or even in my education—I never would have discovered this person that I am today. And I really like this person.

Will you pause and make a list of a few of the life expectations you have right here, right now? And I’m literally pausing for 30 seconds. Go.

In your career, in relationships, in education—what are you kind of invisibly holding on to?
Think on those as we continue today.

“Expectations” is such a fascinating word to me. Expectations are truly incredible—that is, until they aren’t.

Expectations are an essential part of creating memories. They create a beautiful anticipation leading up to things, which creates a lot of excitement at times. Expectations can give us a general framework that guides where we put our energy and our efforts. Expectations can give us hope, and they can give us energy and drive.

However, I have learned that expectations can so very quickly become damning. When those expectations become firm and fast and controlling, they can often limit what is actually possible.

I wonder how often we all turn to expectations to minimize the pains of life. In the reality of past hurt, we can create expectations to control what is coming and not walk into a situation where we can feel hurt, embarrassed, a little bit wobbly, made to feel less than—and overall don’t get to show up as our best selves.

The problem is, I found out that the world is full of humans and nature—neither of which actually pay attention to expectations. No matter what staggering, awesome progress has been made to understand both humans and nature, neither of them are controllable or truly predictable. People and nature often break any expectations I try to impose.

Thus, I have decided to take “embrace the unexpected” as a life mantra. Because as scary as it is, I deeply and truly believe that these unexpected realities can create the ultimate adventure as we craft this “one precious life.”

There are oodles of angles we could talk about embracing the unexpected. I am a wannabe psychologist, sociologist, and behavioral economist—but probably not qualified to speak from any of those angles. My heart is always a teacher first, and now a business strategist. So I also see the world through those lenses. And I’m sure we could chat for days about that.

What I would want us to have instead, about this concept, is a position of an individual’s perspective—the mindset or perspective of an individual and their relationship with God. Which then begs these questions (and if you're taking notes, you could write these down):

  • How does someone define themself?
  • Who does someone see themself as?
  • And who is that individual’s God?

There are going to be a couple of stories that I’m going to share, and I want you to maybe keep these in the back of your mind. These questions seem to create personal and foundational footing and the essential lenses from which each individual navigates our own world.

As I’ve studied the lives of men and women in the scriptures, watched the lives of dear friends and loved ones, and strived to personally, proactively create a life with my God, here is what has been ingrained in my heart and mind over and over:

Life is the greatest “choose your own adventure” story.

Each unexpected moment allows us to discover who we truly are and what we are divinely capable of accomplishing. Each unexpected moment is an invitation to see ourselves as the God of heaven already sees us.

And this “choose your own adventure” is the one that God lets us create with Him—part of the magic of what He invites us to do and be as the creators of the most incredible life we could ever imagine.

Which tends to feel a lot like what Sister Camille N. Johnson, the current General Relief Society President, said a couple of years ago when she was the General Primary President:

“Why do we want the Savior to be the author and finisher of our stories? Because He knows our potential perfectly. He will take us to places we never imagined ourselves. He may make us a David or an Esther. He will stretch us and refine us to be more like Him. The things we will achieve as we act with more faith will increase our faith in Jesus Christ.”

Years ago, I was exploring a little bookstore in Maine. I found a book entitled What’s Your Story? True Experiences from Complete Strangers by Brandon Doman. Brandon was sitting in a coffee shop and just curious about people—he's my kind of person—not judging, but simply curious. So he made a little sign that said, “What’s your story?”

And people, again out of curiosity, started stopping by his table to talk. He had a few ah ha’s that day:

  1. People want to tell their story. People want to have a place to share.
  2. The safety of anonymity—people will share something that they perhaps never have shared before.

He started bringing blank pieces of cardstock, pens, and then created a place for people to handwrite their story and hang it up on a clothesline for others to read. No names.

He has collected thousands and thousands of these stories. And he started doing it in 2009.

Each page of this book that I found in this bookshop was one of those stories. I was mind-blown about how different people defined their story in a specific moment. I was in awe—and at times deeply saddened—by the experiences they held on to in such a way that it found its way onto that page.

Since I had that trip to Maine, it was a time to write and reflect. When I was up there, I started playing with: What would I write as my story?I have some beginnings, but I’m curious about you:

If Brandon were here today and handing you a piece of paper, what would be your story?

Would it be a story that you are proud of? Is it a story you feel is unique and inspiring? Does the very idea of you having a story of worth make you feel uncomfortable to even share it?

Honestly, I have had so many times in my life when I felt like my story wasn’t worth sharing. There was one day in particular in college that I felt like I had no unique story. I felt invisible in every possible way. In fact, so invisible that in one ward, every single Sunday, people asked if I was new.

Fast forward to today, and I am proud of my story.

I am proud of the insights and purpose I have found. I love that I got to be single until I was 46 years old. I love that meeting my husband happened because I practiced embracing the unexpected in life. I deeply believe that all my experiences and voice are needed to help move forward God's work. And I feel that even more deeply about each of you in this room.

Maybe all of you are masters at embracing the unexpected. If you are, then just humor me and let me share one of my most favorite people and stories: Joseph in Egypt—played by the famous Donny Osmond.

It was in 2000. I had come home from my mission in Russia early. The doctors thought I had a brain tumor—but I didn’t. Yet I was still having excruciating headaches that we spent months and months trying to figure out. Doctor after doctor. Valentine’s Day happened to be during these months of incredible pain and personal confusion. Because of the headaches, I had little to no social life. So my parents—who are here, right here—invited me to be the fifth wheel on their Valentine’s date. So fun. They went with another couple to go see Donny Osmond play Joseph in The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Now let me be clear—Joseph, this is not Joseph on the screen. Or this is not just Donny. Donny has an amazing, incredible voice. However, sitting between my parents on Valentine’s Day as a 22-year-old, watching Donny dance around in a loincloth—and thinking about how every one of my life expectations had truly just been dissolving through my fingertips—put a little bit of a damper on the whole experience.

Then Donny sang a song called “Close Every Door to Me,” while Joseph was locked in the prison cell for obeying his moral values and not laying with Potiphar’s wife. He was depressed and overwhelmed and felt forgotten.

Because I was raised on this story, I knew the ending. He gets out of prison. He becomes second to the Pharaoh. He saves his family and ultimately saves the entire Hebrew nation. So in my head, I wanted to say, “Come on, Joseph. Suck it up. You’ll be just fine.”

But as Donny sang that song in person, I realized that I knew the end of Joseph’s story. We all know the end of his story. But he, in that moment, did not. It was the first time in my life that I realized Joseph had no idea what would happen. He had no idea what would happen when his brothers left him for dead earlier or sold him to the traveling merchants. He was depressed in that prison during that song. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he couldn’t see a way out. In that song portrayal, he felt his God had abandoned him—and his God was all he had.

Donny’s portrayal of Joseph led me to the scriptures and has led me to God. In that moment, Joseph taught me that the characters in the scriptures had all the unknowns and unexpected moments I have—and that we all have. Their stories have shown me what life looks like when individuals choose to rely on God—and what life looks like when they don’t.

On that most memorable Valentine’s Day, I was introduced to hundreds of guides from the scriptures teaching me and reminding me that there are many—many—who have had heartache and sorrow, loneliness and pain, in forging their own paths with God. But in that forging through new terrain, they also forged a relationship with their God that changed not just them—but for so, so many—changed the course of human history.

As Donny sang that song in the prison cell, it was amazing to watch his countenance change from despair in his lonely, broken moment to realizing that he could and would depend on his God—the Creator of the heavens and earth—his eternal and Heavenly Father. But the words are the same in the song. The tone changes—from heartache to bold confidence that comes only from God.

He sang:
“Close every door to me, hide all the world from me. Bar all the windows and shut out the light. Do what you want with me, hate me and laugh at me, Darken my daytime and torture my night.

Close every door to me, keep those I love from me. Children of Israel are never alone.
For I know I shall find my own peace of mind, For I have been promised a land of my own.”

And in my head, I think he says:

“So go ahead. Just give me a number instead of my name. Forget all about me, God, and let me decay. I do not matter. I’m only one person. Destroy me completely and then throw me away.
Children of Israel are never alone. For we know we shall find our own peace of mind. For we have been promised a land of our own.”

I refer to and think tenderly of the Joseph in the Egypt story. And as much as I’m okay never seeing Donny dance around in a loincloth again, I am forever grateful for how he made that story—and consequently countless stories—become so real to me.

For example, the verses about this moment are in Genesis 39:20–23. Three simple verses that say:

20. And Joseph’s master took him and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were bound, and he was there in prison.

21. But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him mercy, and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison.

22. And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph’s hand all the prisoners that were in the prison;and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.

23. The keeper of the prison looked not to anything that was under his hand, because the Lord was with him, and that which he did, the Lord made it to prosper.”

So many things could have happened in these couple verses. We don’t know what truly happened between the time he was thrown into prison and then being the head at Potiphar’s home. We don’t know if he was truly brokenhearted. Yet it seems pretty human to be rather broken and saddened by—again—another twisted, unexpected moment in his life. But getting to be curious and wonder and ponder about these real people has taught me so, so much.

These countless guides I have found in the scriptures have come because I’ve gotten curious—not just with Donny and Joseph, but with so many. I was able to get curious because I found a scripture study method that has given me permission to dig deep and get real with the women and men in the scriptures.

A friend of mine was in a Book of Mormon class, and it changed how she was studying the scriptures. It was a framework that was about the time being spent, not necessarily the time reading. It wasn’t about how much she could read in a day, but about what was happening while she was reading—and this approach changed everything in my life.

The concept is: study for a set amount of time. During that amount—whether it’s 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30, whatever time you have (even 2 minutes)—set the timer.

Then, within that amount of time:

  • Open with a question
  • Read
  • Get curious
  • Ask all the questions
  • Get snagged
  • Go back and forth
  • And then make sure you write what you're learning
  • End with a prayer of gratitude

As I’ve gone through this, what I’ve found is that I could be curious and snagged about things. I could pause and ponder and ask myself and the Spirit multiple questions. I could journal and articulate my thoughts and questions. I could expand my thinking to wonder about how situations happened, who the characters were, and all sorts of things. And all of this counted as my time in reading the scriptures.

I could ask questions about Alma’s wife. I could ponder and then be curious if she went with Alma during the 14-year mission, or was she raising her family—including Alma the Younger—on her own? If she didn’t go with Alma, her husband, on the mission, what was she doing and teaching her family so that Alma the Younger could become so powerful? How did she handle possibly being a single mother for those 14 years—or moving over and over? Regardless of what the true story was, the questions allowed me to be taught by the Spirit for my own life and how I wanted to show up for the Lord.

I could write questions in my journal about the 2,000 stripling warriors and ask questions like: How did that group decide to actually help their fathers keep their covenant? Was it a popular young man who stood up first? Or was it a sister or girlfriend who nudged him with her elbow and said, “Go. This is a good thing”? Was it a young man that wasn’t so popular but was deeply trusted by others enough to create the encouragement? Were they in one big gathering, or were they standing up one by one? How did those young men truly embrace the unexpected turn of events?

What about the 60 that came after? I’m so curious about those 60. Were they just a little bit slower in embracing the unexpected? Were they nervous initially? Were they too young, and their mothers and fathers too worried about them to let them face the battles? Again, regardless of what the stories truly were, the questions allowed me to be taught by the Spirit—and to learn how I am embracing the unexpected twists and turns of my own life.

I love this image and concept that Shannon Foster from a company called The Red Headed Hostess, and her artist Heidi Carter, created. In fact, they’ve done all the artwork that they gave me permission to use today. The concept they teach with this is that these men and women could line up in a gallery of our lives. Much like in a grand and royal home, the families had galleries of ancestors to remind them of the legacy—the stories of strength and overcoming and embracing what is to come. If you’ve ever been to one of those old castles or estates, you can see all those portraits. This is that same concept. But they are all images of our scripture men and women.

Beyond appreciating and falling in love with the characters from the scriptures, I now also know how to communicate with my God. I know that He communicates with me personally. I received a blessing from a friend a couple of years ago. He said that one of his favorite things about giving blessings is realizing the language of the Lord—and that the individual relationships our Father and our Savior have with us are truly different.

The words my friend uses in blessings are rarely words that he has in his own vocabulary. The tones and topics are things he rarely would think about. So he stands back in awe each time he gives a blessing and watches truly the one-on-one relationship the Lord has with each of us.

This approach that I showed earlier about studying the word has allowed me to have a personal relationship with my God. There are verses all over the scriptures that use the phrase “the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob” to recognize that they worshiped not an idol, but the God—their God. For me, it’s been beautiful that each man is listed—because it tells me that each of these men had their own unique relationship with God. There is Abraham’s God. And then Isaac’s God. And then Jacob’s God. And His relationship looks very different with each one of them.

And it looks different for me. And for you.

For example, I was introduced as Emily Snyder Burup, and there’s this guy sitting up here on the stand—that is my husband. We met just over a year ago because his daughter heard me speak at BYU Women’s Conference and DMed me on Instagram asking if I’d be willing to meet her widowed father.

I said yes—because setups never really pan out. But if, for some reason, he did actually reach out, I figured I could teach him a couple things about how great it is to be single.

Turns out, he did reach out. And he decided to teach me how to find great joy in being married.

We wouldn’t have been here without me having practiced “embracing the unexpected.”There were many—and have been many, many—moments in this past year when I’ve had to remind myself that God has done His greatest work with me through wise risks and unexpected opportunities.

And as I’ve also practiced, I have found great solace in the scriptures as I studied Abraham. In fact, I quoted these verses at our wedding luncheon as we each shared why we were choosing to get married.

In Abraham chapter 1, verses 1 and 2:
1.In the land of the Chaldeans, at the residence of my fathers, I, Abraham, saw that it was needful for me to obtain another place of residence;

2. And, finding there was greater happiness and peace and rest for me,I sought for the blessings of the fathers,and the right whereunto I should be ordained to administer the same; having been myself a follower of righteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great knowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be a father of many nations, a prince of peace, and desiring to receive instructions and to keep the commandments of God—I became a rightful heir, a High Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers.”

I found great happiness and righteousness and hope as I was single because I worked really hard to soak up all the incredible opportunities I could on my own. And I, like Abraham, want more. I want greater happiness and greater knowledge and greater righteousness. And so, I entered into a deeper covenant with my God and my Savior because of the covenant I then made with Trent.

I still don’t fully know what I would write on that piece of paper that Brandon Doman would hand me—asking me to write my story. I do, however, feel that it is unique and vital. Because I no longer feel like an invisible, chubby girl in a singles ward. Instead, I feel proud and confident as a woman of God—eager and ready to build His kingdom. Empowered by the covenants made by my God and my Savior with me.

My invitation today is to be more bold and confident in the journey of your life. To trust this ultimate choose your own adventure story, and choose to make it with God—trusting and embracing all of those unexpected moments.

I promise you, it will be the most glorious story ever written—because we have our Savior to help us navigate those often complicated, overwhelming, unexpected moments of our lives.

And I say these things humbly, in our Savior’s name, Jesus Christ, Amen.