Managing Emotions

Emotions are important because they help us communicate with others, motivate us to action, and validate our experiences. They also strongly color how we see the world. The process of understanding and constructively expressing emotions (and not letting them control you) is key to building healthy relationships and a fulfilling life.

Some things to keep in mind about emotions:

• Emotions themselves aren’t positive or negative, but more like “data” in your life. Accept all your emotions as natural and understandable.
• Your feelings may be mild, intense, or anywhere in-between.
• You can’t turn emotions on and off. Feelings come and go whether you want them to or not. It is often better to accept that and whatever you’re feeling rather than fighting it.
• You aren’t your emotions. You have a choice to act differently than what your initial reaction to an emotion compels you to. We can’t choose our emotions, but we can choose our response to them.
• Remember that even if your current emotions feel unbearable, they will pass. Remind yourself that you won’t always feel this way.
• It’s important to deal with painful emotions rather than self-medicate or ignore them.

When learning to manage emotions, it’s important to realize that feelings are usually based more on interpretations of events than the events themselves. Often, our conscious thoughts/interpretations aren’t realistic and can escalate problems. Some examples of self-defeating thinking errors include:

• All-or-nothing thinking. Interpreting events in extremes (black and white).
• Excessive personalization. Assuming another’s behavior or mood is about you.
• Over-generalization. Exaggerating or giving more weight to an event than it really has.
• Filtering. Magnifying negative events and discounting positive ones.
• Emotional reasoning. Confusing your emotions with the truth.
• Catastrophizing. Thinking things are worse than they really are and thinking of the “worst-case scenario.”
• Unreal ideals. Making unfair comparisons about ourselves.
• Should statements. Making rules about how your or others “should” behave.

Firestone, Lisa (2018). How Emotions Guide Our Lives. Psychology Today.

David, Susan (2017). The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage [video file].

Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant

How to Identify Strong Emotions

6 Steps to Mindfully Deal with Difficult Emotions

Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive by Marc Brackett

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